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The text for the day is 2 Samuel 22:29-31
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Heavenly Father,
I need you now! I am a child crying out in the wilderness of my life. I can't see you! I feel you,
you are me, You are in me. My soul, my spirit belongs to only You. I am helpless here, drowning in what has become
my life. I reach for salvation from this sickness, this pain that wracks my broken body. I long for you to comfort
me, to wipe away the many tears that have fallen, so many tears... I try to remain strong for You, for Gary, my children.
There are days when weakness overcomes me and I give in to it, overpowered. Forgive me! I want to be what You
want me to be. What everyone else expects of me. The journey is too much for me, alone. Send me an angel
to strengthen me, to comfort me, to heal me... I love you with everything that I am. I love the blessings You
have seen fit to bring me. I ask to overcome, Please Father, let me overcome...
I am broken, Father, Abba Father! Please hear my prayer, in Your Son's perfect name I pray, In Jesus' name, Amen
I lie here wondering what the future will bring. And then I tell myself that I am such
a fool. No one knows what will happen, only God knows. But still I lie here pondering what else I should be doing
to overcome this cancer. Maybe it is time to say goodbye. My mind turns this one over and over. I feel this
when the days become unbearable. Then a good day will come and everything that I have tolerated, the pain, the heartache,
my fears disappear and I know that it is worth every minute of it. Every chemo, every surgery, all of it.
Do you know what it feels like to look into the face of a doctor only to be told "What would
you like to do the last year of your life?" I have heard that I don't have much time left at all. But here I am.
I have doctors now who are doing everything in their ability, their education, experience, hearts, minds and souls to save
this life of mine, and they are doing it, with God's help, they are doing everything they can. And I am still here. But
so is the cancer. Nothing has worked so far to keep me in remission. It is hard because I feel like I should know
what else to do, to try. I frantically search the internet for answers, to educate myself (sorry, Dr. R.,
I know you hate it when I do that). I don't know what to do.
I'm so cold... Have you ever walked outside in the middle of a Minnesota winter
and felt it's chilly breath beating down your back? When the cold is so intolerable that it freezes you from the inside
out, right down to your very soul? You try to wait it out, day by day, but you know winter has just begun. Spring
is months away. Summer only a dream, a shadow, a hope.
Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify
your Father which is in heaven. Matthew
5:16
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