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Kimberly's Journal - My Life Journey

Monday, October 6th, 2008

The text for the day is John 11:35:
 
Jesus wept. 

Mother and Son in Loving Embrace
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Captured forever a snap shot in time. Remembered forever in my heart and in my mind...

I wonder what effect my death will have on my Savior?  Being a "New Testament" kind of girl, I believe that He will smile and rejoice and welcome me with open arms. 
 
I've made mistakes.  I am a sinner.  I will die just like most people.  I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins.  Therefore, I am a child of God and my trespasses are remembered no more.  I wish that I could have been different.  I wish I would have been,
 
like:
 
Abel, his sacrifice was more pleasing to God.
 
like:
 
Enoch and Elijah, they were so loved by God they never tasted death.  Enoch walked with God for 300 years and then was not, for God took him.  Elijah was swept away in a whirlwind to heaven in a chariot driven by horses of fire.  Now that sounds like a grand entrance to me...  Given a choice however, I would rather be taking a walk through the forest talking with God about matters of the heart and soul, and walk straight into heaven, side by side with my God. 

John 3:16
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For God So Loved The World...

I would like to be more like Abraham because he was beloved for his righteousness.
 
like,
 
King David;  Loved by God for his music, songs, poems,
 
King Solomon;  Wise, the richest King on earth, dearly loved by God,
 
Jesus' Mother, Mary
 
Mary Magdelene
 
The woman who wiped Jesus' feet with her hair and her tears
 
The widow who put all she owned, her last penny into the offering plate
 
Especially during this part of my life, I long to be like the woman who was made well just by touching the hem of Jesus' garment...
 
I would love to be more like certain people who have lived and are still living in our lifetime;
 
Mother Theresa, Billy Graham, and if I am going to come clean and be completely honest, I have to add to my list;
 
Julia Roberts
Jennifer Aniston
Halle Berry
 
Ok, maybe I'm just kidding... or not...
 
I know I am not like any of the people that I have mentioned above.  And that's ok.  I can strive to be like them.  We are to strive to be like Christ.  We will never attain that goal, but it is one worth keeping.
 
Even though I don't want to die now.  I know that in my present state I am.  I refuse to give up.  I will continue to hope and trust, realising that I still might get the miracle I pray so hard for everyday.  I know that if it is God's will, He can heal my broken body, my broken mind, my broken spirit... I will cling to this hope, this prayer, this life... I will cling to my God.
 
I know that Jesus is waiting for me, that He will rejoice when I finally come home.  This fear I have will no longer be. Until that day comes, I will hold onto the joy my heart feels, knowing that I have a God who loves me just as I am.  When it is my turn to die, when my body finally succombs to this disease, my soul will awaken and I shall walk side by side, hand in hand with my Savior evermore...

Today was a wonderful day.  I woke up feeling well.  Drew was extremely cute before he left for school today!  He came upstairs to kiss me goodbye and as he was walking out of my bedroom he said, "Be ready to have some fun when I get home, ok?  I'm going to come up and bring games and we can spend some time!"
What a doll!
 
Megan was working diligently on her halloween costume all day.  She is so creative and talented.  Meg is a die hard Star Wars fan.  She has been almost obsessive like a lot of people, I guess, since she was ten years old.  I am impressed with the things she is able to create, her never ending knowledge of this phenomenon that George Lucas gave to the world.  Megan could tell you all there is to know about the movies, books, the actors, the costumes, writers, directors, producers - anything at all about Star Wars.  It just blows me away.
 
I worked on various projects until it was time to pick Drew up from school.  We went shopping to pick up halloween candy and things.  In our neighborhood, they have started a tradition where someone puts a gift bag together with candy and halloween trinkets, they tape a note with a ghost on your door that says, "Boo!"  and leave the bag there.  Each child in that house gets a bag from a "phantom" giver, and then the favor is to be returned to another house in the neighborhood with children.  I don't know if I am explaining it right, but it's a great little tradition and everyone has such fun.  Drew was Boo'd on Sunday, so according to tradition, we had to pick three kids to boo back the very next day.  Well, it's three children or three houses with children in them.  We picked a house with four little girls.  I had so much fun putting together their gift bags.  Hopefully, they will enjoy them, too.
 
Oops, it's late, I'm tired, I need to try to get some sleep.  I have chemo tomorrow, and it's a new one - actually it will be two chemos.  I have to have one chemo every day for three weeks, then one chemo once a week for three weeks.  Yippee Ki Yay!  I can hardly wait.  At least they give me happy drugs and I can be comatose for part of it.
 
One more thing, Gary brought us to Red Lobster for dinner because I was still feeling good.  He is so wonderful that way.  Drew had crab legs.  What a kick!  he know how to crack crab legs and has known how to since he was three.  I didn't even eat crab legs until I was in my thirties! (my financial status didn't allow such luxurious meals.  Taco Bell and Micky D's was about my speed).  Gary had fish, and Megan and I shared the Big Feast Platter.  I was alright until I got home.  Then Gary took care of me while I was sick.  That always happens when I eat supper.  You'd think I would learn.  But He is so wonderful.  I am blessed to be so loved...

It's a good thing I get drugs with chemo so I can catch up on my sleep.  Here it is, 2:15 in the morning and I am sick for the second time tonight.  I haven't even had chemo yet.  boohoo, I really don't need to have another pity party by myself.  It's much more fun when everyone else is awake and can party with me, ha!

Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven.               Matthew 5:16